11.29.12

Well today marks 2 months since I left behind my beloved Minneapolis. I find myself on a daily basis daydreaming that I am back in my sky-cave off of Franklin looking at my glorious view of downtown. (Ok, you could only see two skyscrapers and the Basilica but it counts!) But alas, I am not. The reality of this social experiment gone awry is sinking in slowly. Luckily, I was able to find an 8 week course at the local community college soon after I arrived or else I would have been stalking the train routes passing through and hopping on the first one heading out of town!It's becoming almost a burden to remind myself daily that I am doing this to better myself and my future and on the grand scheme of things the time I spend now pursuing my extended education is time well spent. Had I stayed in Mpls over the next few years I wouldn't be any better off really than I was the day I left. It's sad that it has taken me to 31 to realize this and convince myself that it is all needed to move forward. I thought moving home would make it a little easier. The forever optimist in me assumed it would get better. In this situation I may be wrong. My biggest problem I faced was the moments I was alone, they shot straight through my soul and reminded me I was past gay middle age, eternally single, often with a drink in my hand, and in a crying jag listening to the theme from Love Story AGAIN on vinyl. Basically, I was a huge mess. I thought that if I were to be home I would at least not be alone and have people around me to distract my mind from the fact that I was all the above. Now, two months in I find myself stuck in this daydream...where I am in my apartment alone staring out...funny. I now dream of the moments that seem to have brought me the most pain...something to think about. Good night kiddos.